The motivation to please your partner is a tremendously sweet but slightly maligned action. It is also an indication of someone not sure of their own validity in the world. If you are there to pleasure your partner but have not found pleasure yourself, you should probably ask why this is. Women are not afraid to slowly explore and to play until everyone involved enjoys themselves.
I must say this as a female. When I sense a partner is just trying to please me I soon feel it and then all of my feeling of genuine enjoyment falters. There is nothing sexier than true desire which is a wild abandon. True desire goes beyond the selfish and beyond pleasing because it's just a purity of experience. To be intimate with someone, however casually, is to share a form of freedom - something beyond self and definitions. Sex isn't about sex, it's about transcending the idea of 'pleasuring' someone as though operating on them and it is beyond selfish.
People do it for the rush, the insane oxytocin high. The sheer amazingness of sharing. Forget pleasuring for awhile and feel out what feels good for you. Surprisingly you'll find that in the awkwardness of 'feeling it out', you won't be the only one enjoying it. No one wants a fanboy. No one should want to be one. Be the real deal by embracing the awkwardness of learning what YOU love.
What the article references is if you're having sex to please someone else at the sacrifice of your own desires, whatever they may be. That is the way I thought she meant it but since she was vague about it. I figured I should ask.
Things aren't always as they seem. The insane high you speak of is caused by dopamine. Dopamine causes a sense of euphoria.
The insane high It can also be addictive and dangerous. The effects of dopamine can cause one person to chase the effects for the high it creates. This high will wear off and a person will leave a person in pursuit of another person just to get another hit of dopamine.
The person that is left will in turn suffer the effects of the stress hormone cortisol and has been known to even commit suicide. This insane high can be dangerous. The big picture can truly be very sad. Unless of course someone is a narcissist.
I don't think the study is saying that people only have sex for good or bad reasons. It's saying, among other things, that bad reasons for having sex are linked to lower self-esteem than good reasons. But surely it's still possible for a person to have sex for both a good and a bad reason at the same time. Even a combination like having sex for material benefit and to explore one's sexuality is possible.
But, based on the study results, you might improve your self-esteem by only having sex for the "good" reasons. However, keep in mind that this study can only begin to tell us something about how most people feel about sex, not all people. Perhaps having sex for one of the "bad" reasons doesn't lower your own self-esteem, even though it did for most of the study participants. If you happen to be different from most or even all of the people in this study, that doesn't mean you or the sex you're having is bad.
It probably just means you're lucky. I'd also like to point out for everybody that having sex for material benefit probably wouldn't lower self-esteem so much if it weren't so culturally shamed.
I'm no psychologist but what about correlation vs. Like isn't it just as possible that this article be titled: Since this was not an experimental study, you can never claim causation. Because of this, you can establish temporal precedence - i. It's not as good as an experiment, but you're one step closer to causality. But, and please correct me if I am wrong, there are a multitude of external variables that could cause the degradation in mental health that then impact the participants' sex life between Time 0 and Time 1.
This article assumes, between t 0 and t 1: Again, I'm not a psychologist, but the title of this article seems a bit sensationalized, like, "If you have casual sex you will become depressed" - especially given the use of the question format in the title. It sounds more like something found in a newspaper than a scientific journal. And as a result in information within especially the charts can be misleading - it sounds like the author is trying to imply causality.
For the record, I know this is not a scientific journal. And I know that the answer to the question in the title is "only if you do it for the wrong reasons", not "yes". But even providing any answer to that question is making a lot of assumptions that I believe are overlooked.
The title is simple link baiting and it's effective if you consider that this article has more comments on it than most psych today articles. Most studies are problematic in that the parameters are tightly defined and so can't take stock of the incidentals that guarantee to affect outcome but are simply impossible to measure because they aren't controlled.
This is for all studies from addiction to depression to even cancer. In fact, the only read study you can do that's effectively controlled is on a single cell organism. Aaaanyway, no, the study looks at motivation for why you're having casual sex being the important factor in determining how you feel about casual sex. So the casual sex is just incidental. Replace casual sex with how you feel about eating pasta for dinner. You go in thinking "YES, I fucking love this pasta" or "meh". How you feel about the pasta after you eat it is going to be different dependent on how you felt before and during eating.
There's just a little too much emphasis on the sex itself as though this is cause when really, it's reasonably incidental. First, casual sex fractures the Self - sexual contact creates a connection, a piece of the self is given to that other person. People perpetrate these promiscuous patterns due to unmet needs, and sex and casual hook ups are simply an expression of the quest to heal those unmet needs through other people.
I like this post It is very informative post Thanks for sharing this informative post with us So it's impossible that people could experience a combination of the "bad" and "good" reasons at the same time?
So what is a person to do, and will they only have a slight mental health problem if they want sex to be fun and also hope that it could be long term? And let's be serious, these two reasons as well as exploration, are the usual motivations for most people seeking sex. I am 70, single man, have not had sex since or 86?
Being rejected my dozens of women - I gave up. I am being treated for anxiety and depression. Everything seems to be motivation based. No motivation is related to low moods, whereas interest in whatever the activity is contributes to our well-being.
As long as casual sex is not related to tremendous energy loss, it won't result in mental distress. The question is if the hookup can be considered a mere energy consumption, where one party acts as an energy vampire, whereas the other side suffers from lack of warmth, loneliness, and misunderstanding.
In North America, flirting is not permitted, not even recognized. Oh yeah, it is called sexual harassment. In my last health care facility, where my Family Doctor worked the Conservative Administration did not permit a male patient politely compliment on a lovely doctor or another elegant patient. On the other hand, if a long time patient noticed some fishy hanky-panky between Supervisors and social workers or secretaries, he was slowly ignored and booted out.
New research on how men and women judge each other's sexual history. New study examines giving v. Back Find a Therapist. Lessons You Won't Learn In School Here are 10 skills that will clarify your visions and bring you closer to your life goals. Why Do We Flirt by Text? Menopause and Your Sleep Cycle. Are You a Beautiful Questioner? The Call of the Unknown. New research shows that the reasons you do it make all the difference.
Submitted by Anonymous on February 21, - 1: Being raped is bad for one's mental health? However, Submitted by Zhana Vrangalova Ph. If you're too drunk too Submitted by Anonymous on February 21, - 3: There's no need to be so Submitted by Anonymous on February 21, - 6: There's no need to be so reactionary.
Besides all of this, the author explains that this wasn't a part of the study anyway. What about if two people are drunk? Submitted by Anonymous on March 8, - 8: What should happen then?
Cause I can tell you what does happen. Being tricked into sex is not Submitted by Cuki on April 12, - All sex needs Submitted by Ron on August 13, - 9: All sex should be casual You have a dangerously broad Submitted by Zhana Vrangalova Ph. Either way, as I said, excluding that item from the measure did not change the results. Broad definitions of rape Submitted by Anonymous on February 21, - 6: Perhaps a waiver form and Submitted by Anonymous on February 21, - 6: Perhaps a waiver form and video documentation of having agreed to sexual engagement?
I went for a drink with a man Submitted by Anonymous on February 21, - 7: I call bs on the idea that Submitted by Anonymous on February 21, - 7: I do agree and I've never Submitted by Anonymous on February 21, - 7: Somehow all of the reader Submitted by Anonymous on February 21, - Although I do think Submitted by Anonymous on February 23, - 1: Having casual sex to please your partner is bad?
I really don't want to make an assumption. It matters because some today teach that promiscuity is acceptable, and even to be admired.
They say that to be promiscuous just means that you are not intolerant, prejudiced, rigid or old-fashioned. In fact, this is becoming a common teaching in middle schools, high schools, and on college campuses. It is also the accepted belief in Hollywood and much of the mainstream media.
It matters because it is wrong. Promiscuity leads to disease, low self-esteem, and rape. It also causes unwanted babies, and lots of abortions. It ruins the health of our women, and by doing so it ruins the nations. This is why it matters. Promiscuity is sweeping across the earth, and already affects the Western nations to a large degree.
It has affected the continent of Africa for a long time. The Asian continent is also plagued by this problem. The causes are divided into primary and secondary ones, as follows. The medical and psychological professions. General moral decline of the society. Specifically, the loss or disregard for Hebrew and Christian values. Bad health of young women and young men.
Bad thinking and inability to think clearly brain fog. Bad thinking today is due in part to ill health, and in part to bad education, bad upbringing and bad leadership of society. Unhealthy economic patterns today such as two parents working just to make ends meet. The welfare state and the socialist mindset. These allows and even encourage idleness, pay for abortions, pay for single motherhood, reduce self-responsibility, and do not punish bad behavior nearly as much as a capitalist society.
When a woman experiences rape, she may become promiscuous due to anger, apathy about her body, sexual fluid craving, a greater need for charging, shame and self-hatred, or due to hatred of men and a desire to infect them with diseases. After a long and hard rape, the two etheric bodies of a woman only come together during orgasm, and this also encourages promiscuity. This also attracts teenage girls and older women to sex, sex with multiple partners, indiscriminate sex, and other aspects of promiscuity.... Casual sex is sexual activity that takes places outside a romantic relationship and implies an . A "hookup" (colloquial American English) is a casual sexual encounter involving physical pleasure without necessarily Back-up partner · Cottaging · Dogging · Fornication · Group sex · Illicit Encounters · Promiscuity · Zipless fuck. 28 Jun The other day, I heard that a really short-term fling of mine is getting married. And I felt Regardless of gender, sexual promiscuity is related to extroversion as well as I don't think it's true that women can't handle casual sex. 25 Jun Maria Konnikova on Zhana Vrangalova, whose Casual Sex Project explores human sexuality, and, in particular, the kinds of sexual encounters that at promiscuity on college campuses, noting that “sleeping around is a. 12 Mar An encounter being casual doesn't mean it can't be meaningful, A new study has shown that women do enjoy casual sex – as long as it's done well. There's still a pervasive stigma around promiscuity in women – we're. 20 Oct STDs aside, what's all the fuss about how many sexual partners you've had? We haven't found a gene for promiscuity, but there does seem to be a genetic more interest in multiple partners and casual sex," says Vrangalova. Kill You Attention-Seeking Guy From New Jersey Paddleboards to Meeting. With the gap between puberty and entry into marriage getting ever wider, more “ emerging adults" are turning to casual encounters as a way to express and.
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